I have titled this blog Awareness, though lately, not only through working with my clients, but also friends, family and the many people I come across in my role in the hospital, it could also be titled Acceptance, after all, isn’t that what most people want?

Through my own journey called life, until recent years I only ever looked for acceptance from others. It never even occurred to me that maybe what I was really looking for was acceptance of myself, but also accepting my emotions and allowing them to be heard.

Have you ever experienced having a debate with someone, and you are trying to get your point across and they don’t seem to be hearing you? No matter how much you try to get them to see your perspective, it just isn’t getting through? I don’t know about you, but I find it very frustrating. Previously, mainly in my relationships, I have given up trying, because it is falling on deaf ears and the receiver is not ready to hear it.

What if that is how we are treating our emotions? Not the good ones, most peoples accept them readily. The difficult ones however, for the most part, tend to get buried. The receiver does not want to feel them or hear them. Instead is as if there is a lock box somewhere within each of us, and we lock them in there hoping never to hear from them again! Sound familiar?

What if ignoring these feelings is this very thing that causes mental health conditions, physical health issues, alcohol and drug addiction to name a few? If you continually ignored a friend, you would hardly be communicating that you accept and love them. I’m pretty sure you would be telling them quite the opposite without having to say a word. In ignoring your own feelings, isn’t that what you are communicating to yourself?

No one likes to feel shame, guilt, anger, loneliness etc. They are not pleasant ways to feel. But equally I don’t think most people know what to do with them either, so its easier to push them aside and not think about them. In that moment of feeling that way, its hard to think straight, hard to see the wood for the trees, so we act from a place of avoidance. But what we resist, persists. If we resist those feelings, they persist in coming back until something happens to cause them to overflow and it is forced upon us to deal with them.

My own experience of finally facing them is one I am truly grateful for. Not that I felt that way going into it, there was fear that if I opened Pandora’s box, I may never be able to bury them again, however this is the very way I released them and got free of them. I would go back and do it again. My regret, if you will, is that I didn’t do it sooner, but better late than never, as they say.

You may be thinking, “What do I know about your situation?” and you would be absolutely right. However, what I do know is that there is a range of human emotions that applies to us all. So while your situation may be different, the emotional range you would have felt, is the same range I have felt, and it is this that connects us and gives us common ground to work with. We are taught we are all individual, which of course is true, however, this also can lead to thoughts that we are isolated and alone. After a mental breakdown, whichever type, only isolates us more in feelings of shame, unworthiness, and fear.

What I do know is that the way out is in. In turning inwards, in allowing those emotions to be heard, is what will release them. This process is not about opening old wounds and reliving painful memories, but just sitting with the emotion and establishing what is is. Is it fear? Is it doubts? Is it sadness? The problem that I see is for most, they just want to get rid of it as quickly as possible, not stop to figure out what it is they are feeling. These become suppressed and repressed over years, and in order to keep them down, there has to be a distraction or coping mechanism to keep them in this place. That can be different things for different people. It may be immersing in work, alcohol, drugs, sex, anything that wil keep these thoughts and feelings at bay. Almost as if pretending to the world that everything is fine. How many times have you used that word to explain how you are, even when you know you are not. “Its ok not to be ok”, I’m sure you’ve seen that slogan. Why is it even a thing? Because people pretend they are ok to themselves. Its not that they are deliberately lying to everyone else. But somewhere inside, you know you are not ok. By lying to yourself and others, you then tend to feel fake. Feeling like you are being dishonest only adds to the negative way you see yourself. So on and on it continues in a never ending loop until one day something happens to shake your world upside down.

This is why awareness is the start of the journey. No problem can be resolved with the thinking that created it. If you have no awareness of the beliefs and thoughts that are the driving force, you cannot make the choice to change them,

I don’t recall a time when I was taught that I can choose how to think or how to see the world. Was you? So what if you have the autonomy to have that choice and that by using it, you have the ability of shaping your focus that allows you to stop fearing and doubting yourself? Would you step into it?

If you have asked yourself that question, what thoughts came up?

I imagine some may have been “What if it doesn’t work for me?”, “I am not able to do this”, “I don’t have the time”, “I don’t have the money” and it is these thoughts that inevitably keep us from whatever we desire. Oftentimes, we will see this as reason.

But what are the possibilities if you take the step?

Of course there is a possibility of no change. If someone is closed to the possibility of change, it will not happen. Though I have never worked with anyone, no matter how sceptical that they have not had a breakthrough moment – That light bulb moment of clarity – that has caused the effect of a change in perspective that has allowed them to go forward with a much more positive outlook for their life. and see what is truly possible for them.

Where there is one possibility, there are infinite others. So I ask you, what are the possibilities for you? What is the life you would love to have? Who is the person you would love to be?

Imagine a time when you are free to feel happy, peaceful and content. A time when you know you are worthy and deserving, When you are not only connected to yourself, but more connected to others than you have ever felt. A time when you step forward with confidence in your life, and you finally have the relationships, the health and you are rich. This is not about financial wealth, but a life that is rich in love, peace and happiness.

Sounds too good to be true?

Here’s the thing. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. If you continue to do what you have always done, and try to resolve the problem with the same thoughts and actions that you have always done, does is not stand to reason that nothing will change?

I get it, change can be scary, but do you want to stay in the same place? Afraid of moving forward, afraid of being found out, always fearing the worst, afraid of being you!

What is the true cost of doing nothing? What is the cost to you?

It is well known that our mental health impacts on our physical health. Weight gain, inflammation, high blood pressure, which can lead to strokes and heart attacks. This is only the tip of the iceberg. It is well known that loneliness can cause as much damage to our bodies as smoking 20 cigarettes a day.

What impact is your health already having on your job? How would a major health event impact on your job and your income?

What is the impact on your relationships? Are you disconnected form those you love? Are you putting up walls to protect yourself that keeps a distance from others? Are you isolating yourself from the world?

Maybe your thinking the time isn’t right, but when is the right time?

Quite often we live from a place thinking we have all the time in the world. If you knew you only had 6 months to live, what would you do differently? Would you finally free yourself of the chains holding you because you are now clearly able to see what is important? People worry about so many things, but does worrying change it?

My sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2014. She was 50 years old. My Mum lost her life at 42. None of us know when it will be our time, so why do we remain unhappy and living in fear and shame and isolation until that time comes? How quickly has your life already gone by, it appears to go by quicker with each passing year, and time waits for no one. So if another 5 years pass, will it make it easier to decide to make the changes you want?

You have the power to change it!

You, my friend, have all the answers you will ever need, and finding them starts with asking the right questions and allowing them the time to come to the surface. You deserve to have the best that life can offer, but are you willing to give yourself the chance to have it?

In summary, awareness is the key to shifting thoughts, habits and your identity into the person you want to be.

When you are aware of the emotions that are holding you back, by facing into them is how to set yourself free of them.

By reframing the old stories and searching for a deeper truth is where you learn to accept yourself completely and unconditionally. Past events do not define your worth. Letting go of them, forgiving yourself and others is the path to peace and contentment.

Releasing all the negative baggage you have been carrying around will then allow you to step forward and create a future and the life you desire. In order to break through the baggage, the only way is through it.

If you are stuck, unable to move forwards or maybe you know that the answers are in your past as to what is in your life today, this journey is for you.

You do not have to go it alone, come join a community of like minded people taking their own journey, that are ready to support, lift and guide you to the answers you are seeking.